A hapless paddy on tour

My bus tonight leaves at 8pm for the border with Vietnam. I'm sad to be leaving China as it has captured my heart but my punishing schedule beckons. The plan is to hit Hanoi tommorow and hopefully get some trekking in before xmas day. I desperatly want to avoid the pre xmas piss ups and with only three weeks to see Vietnam I need to dispiplined.

I hit the bus stop at 7.30, 30Min's before my express bus was due to depart. The Guy behind the counter was shouting at me that I was late. I couldn't understand why but he shoved me in a taxi with two other people and we sped off down the street. It would appear that the bus left early. I boarded the bus and to my surprise it was nothing like what the seller had shown me. I bunkered down for the night and just accepted my lot. The bed was a little short and I didn't have space for all my luggage but what the hell. We broke down at one point but after some furious drilling by a local mechanic we were on our way again. I woke from a deep slumber at about 3.15 to find that we had pulled in to a bus station. I want straight back to sleep and awoke again at 6.15. We were still in the same bus station? I asked around and quickly realised that this was nanning and that I should have changed at 3am. The git in Guilin had me over. The driver seemed to sense my predicament and bought me a ticket for next bus to the border heading at 7.50am. Ok, i had to wait an hour and a half in the cold but all was not lost. I grabbed some noodles and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible given the cold. The bus finally left at 8.30 and after about 10 stops around the city we were on our way.

Some observations from China.

The Chinese, in general, do not eat dairy products. Surprisingly, China has a much lower rate rate of osteoporosis than the United States or the UK.

Depsite having invented the flushing toilet the average Chinese public convenience consists of three waist high walls, a chanel with no flushing aperatus, and no front door. Privacy is a luxury not afforded to the masses! So far I've managed to avoid the singlesex Communal toilets -

China has the second largest fast foot market after the US. KFC, Maccas and Pizza hut are now ubiquious in China. On the flip side these establishments provide a refreshing alternitive to the traditional Chinese toilet.

The great wall is not actually visible from the space.

Two thirds of all men in China smoke. Only 3% of women smoke.

China consumes 30% of the world's cigarettes.

The average chinese person consumes 20kg of seafood a year. This equates to 2.8m tons of seafood a year.

It is predicted that Chinese will be the worlds largest online language by 2007. China is the world's second-largest online
population after the US.

Chinese people are some of the toughest business people in the world with bargaining essental from your humble stall to top resturants and attractions, yet tips are not commonly accepted! Tipping was outlawed as part of the cultural revelution.

China boasts the worlds fastest train. The magnetic levitation train connects Pudong international airport with downtown Shanghai in a very, very nimble seven minutes 20 seconds. Shanghai's new express can reach a top speed of 430kph (267mph) in just under two minutes.

Spitting, something of a national pastime in China, has become socially reprehensible. In Beijing and Guangzhou, capital of Guangdong Province, public spitters, when caught, have to clean up the phlegm marks and pay a fine of 50 yuan. The fine goes up to 200 yuan in Shanghai. Guangzhou has also set up cameras in the streets to catch public spitting!

The Chinese place great emphasis on freshness of food hence the live skinning of food animals.The word for "animal" in one Chinese dialect translates as "moving thing". Animals are considered no more sentient than vegetables. The exception to this, surprisingly, is the cat which is perceived as a house hold pet. Mans best friend, on the other hand, is considered fair game!

Despite its association with Italy, pasta actually originated in China approximately 40 centuries ago.

China has an ambiguous attitude towards growing Western economic and cultural influences and its own identity. Young Chinese crave Western brands but officials frequently rant at what they call decadent western culture. Nowhere is this more evident than The Forbidden City in Bejing, home to 24 Emperors from the Ming and Qing Dynasties rule. Over it's 500 years in operation it was considered “off limits” to the world, which included the Chinese population. It was opened to the public in 1950 and now boasts, contraversially, a Starbucks!

China is the world's biggest market for BMW's top of the range 760 series.

Volkswagen, the biggest carmaker in China, said it will strive to produce annually more than 1.6 million cars in China by 2008, up from the 800,000 units anticipated this year.

The alarm went off at 8.00am. There was absolutely no way I was getting up so I hit the snooze button ambitiously in the vain hope of getting up before nine. I dipped my foot out of the bed at 9 and quickly decided that I was staying in bed for the morning. Chinese beer gives me a brutal hangover, even after just a few. I got up 12 and grabber a motorized scooter for the journey to moon hill. I had originally planned to cycle there but I couldn’t be arsed at this stage. I was placed in the hands of a bright pink electric scooter for the small sum of 30 kwai. Roaring down the highway at 40km on this electric beast I became quickly aware of how precarious a task navigating a vehicle on a Chinese road is. The Chinese drive, at best, erratically and at worse like lunatics. It seems that all over Asia the bigger the vehicle you drive the faster you should drive it. This is also the case for right of way meaning that if a bus is hurtling towards you on the wrong side beeps its horn its up to you to get out of its way. Being one up from the humble bike on the auto hierarchy I quickly moved to the hard shoulder for some quality cruising time.

The journey lasts 30 mins and I began my assent up to moon hill. The walk, while steep, wasn’t challenging and I reached the summit in about 30 minutes. The view were amazing and only spoiled by the slight haze in the air. At the summit I got chatting to a couple of Dutch guys who were on business in Hong Kong. They both owned companies and had decided to take a detour in to china before heading back. We chatted for ages at the top before retreating to the café at the bottom for a spot of lunch. I said goodbye and roared back to town on the pink panther. On the way back to the hostel I picked up a bottle of Chinese cab sav for my last night in China. The plan was to have a bath, a couple of glasses of wine and do a little research on North Vietnam. I really needed to get up early the next day so the plan is to avoid drinking beer in Lisas café.

Unfortunately I bumped into Craig and Manuel on my way back to the hostel so the easy night was out the window. They had been doing pretty much the same thing since I left them, popping prescription pills and getting smashed. Coincidental, they knew the guys I was hanging around with in Yangshou . We cained a bottle of wine and headed to the river to let off some fire crackers. Despite Manuel's military training he nearly blew his hand off lighting the damn thing due to the impossibly short fuse. I headed back to Lisa's for a beer and bed.

I awoke at 10 but the god damn room was so cold I couldn’t bear to get out of bed. The guilt kicked in and I dragged myself down the stairs at 11. Steven was already downstairs and Yani was on his way down. We decided to could a catch a bus to a village and take a river cruise. The scenery was amazing. Around Yangshou is littered with strange rock formation piercing through the soil. The villages were the first real glimse of China and its 700m strong peasantry. As we walked through the village we could see in to most people’s humble abodes. The floors were nearly all bare concrete with the basic comforts of a few chairs and of course the tv. After much bargaining we managed to commission a boat for 25yuan each. The journey lasted about an hour and a half and was well worth it. On the way we saw many people scooping what looked like seaweed from the river. We also saw many fishermen with their trained cormorants standing obediently on the side of the boat. These birds are trained by Chinese fishermen to catch fish. A string is tied around the bird's neck to prevent it from swallowing larger fish which are retrieved by the fisherman and thrown into the basket for sale later. After the trip we stopped on the way to the village to observe some guys who were gambling on a strange game. The dealer spinned two coins and the covered them with a lid. The players then placed notes around the table where they thought the coins would be closer too. i tried my hand and was fairly sucessful turning one kwai into 10. I'm still not sure how the hell I was winning but it piad for a beer. We grabbed some food and headed back to the hostel. I sat up chatting and playing cards till 1.30.

The day started rather late as I was feeling a little worse for weirs. The beer in china, although weak, gives me a bad hangover. Perhaps there’s a message in there for me! I pottered around the town and returned to the hostel for 5. Some guys were playing cards so i joined them and ordered a beer. After the beers we headed to see the light show. My fellow travelers were Yani (UK), Francoise (France) and Steven from Holland. We commissioned a boat and set ourselves up for the show. Yani managed to get some beers from the neighboring hotel so we got stuck in. The show was truly superb. Its no wonder that China is projected to be the most visited country in the world by 2020. They really know how to make an effort to please the tourists. After the show we ate some stall food and retired to a neighboring bar. I got chatting to some Canadian girls who lived here and had a few more beers. I got back to the hotel for 12, a little tipsy!

I got off at the wrong station in Guilin and made my mind up to head straight to Yamgshou. I got a lift on a motor cycle to the bus station where a bus was immediately waiting to take me there. On the advise of some lads from Manchester i booked into Lisa’s guesthouse. I wangled a room for 30Y after some fierce haggling. The owner, renowned for her quirky humor informed me that as the room was so cheap i would have to drink shitloads of beer to make up for it. I told her i was irish and that i would knock back 50 in a night. She seemed very amused and informed me that if I did it would be on the house. The lads from Manchester came back and we got stuck in to some texas holdem. I won nada but the guys were a good laugh and they were also heading to Hanoi for xmas. They gave me the name of the hostel where they were staying and I said goodbye. i headed to bed around 2, slightly merry. So much for taking it easy on the sauce!